I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
