how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
