2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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