A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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