So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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