I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
