can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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