We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
