We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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