this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
