if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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