i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm just crazy horny about you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize