I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
