yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize