vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize