Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
