just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
