Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
