I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think your dad took our porno
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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