dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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