Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think I won the penis lottery.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
When are your genitals available?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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