Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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