I am puke
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
