This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
