btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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