I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
