JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize