I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
