you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
