dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
