I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
