she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
