how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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