do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
being pregnant is like rehab
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
