I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
so much tequila, so little girl.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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