Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
