He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
