next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
