tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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