ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
