I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
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