Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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