Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
