Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
