I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
