So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
FUCK WHALES
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
