my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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