Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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