Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize