Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
