i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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