There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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