Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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