my mouth tastes like poor choices
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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