There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
