i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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