I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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