My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It's never too late to be topless.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
