She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
