I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize