I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
