ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
