I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
