so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
