im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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