No stitches, just platelets and will power
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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