i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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