Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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