i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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