Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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