The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
two words: eviction party
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize