i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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