i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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