Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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