I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
