I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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